Why We Should Have More Trust In Our Intuition As Parents

Motherhood is such a fascinating journey that if one is open and willing, there is so much to learn and It’s overwhelming to say the least. Something that follows me through life and in motherhood ( where it is particularly strong) is the tug and pull between what I’ve been told/conditioned to know about what is right and what is best for children and their development versus what I instinctively feel in my heart. I often feel like I think differently to most people I might encounter, I know I’m not the only one who feels this way and thank goodness for places like Instagram and Pinterest that have made me feel a little less alone in my thinking. Also, I’m lucky to have a mum and sister who think likewise to me and a partner who may not always agree with me but always makes me safe to speak my truth in what i’m feeling and listens with an open mind and doesn’t impart judgement. And I know not everyone has the luxury of having an understanding and open minded family and loved ones and so for that I know I must be grateful.

I feel that for the most part we all just want to get it right as parents, we don’t want to fail our kids and they seem so complicated, they are like getting an ikea flatpack but with no instructions and so we look to doctors, teachers, healthcare workers and anyone with some kind of degree to explain it to us and especially when it seems foreign and challenging! We turn to them so they can then tell us what to do in uncertain times. I guess we are lucky to have this but at the same time, whenever I have turned to these people in the past there is so much that doesn’t align with what I know about my child as well as what I feel on an intuitive level.

So what to do?! Well, it’s not easy to navigate I’ll say that or maybe it is and it just comes down to having more confidence in my thoughts and feelings! And that’s currently what i’m trying to do, learning to have more faith in myself, more trust in my decisions and in what I feel is best for my daughter. Mothers/fathers intuition is real but the problem is, that a lot of us are full of self doubt and because of that we try and rationalise, use logic (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing) and then we look to others to tell us what to do because they must know better then us even though we do know our kids better then anyone and if our gut is telling us something that goes against the grain then so be it (obviously not anything that brings them harm) because maybe it might feel uncomfortable forging our own path and the fear of getting it wrong or being judged by those around which can feel mentally and emotionally paralysing but what if following our gut instinct leads us and our children to a better way of life, a more aligned and synchronised way of being. I can’t help but think of that poem by Erin Hanson There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask, ”what if I fall” oh but what if you fly” and yes, we might get it wrong but also, we might just get it right.

I’ve learnt (often the hard way) that Not every doctor, scientist, teacher, psychologist and so on is always right, they’ve got it wrong in the past and they can certainly get it wrong in the present. They are just humans and humans make mistakes and also we have egos, which can often mislead us. Sometimes our doubt comes from other parents that we talk to, other parents that raise their children differently and it might seem as though they are so confident in their parenting choices and this can also make us question what we’re doing and arise feelings of uncertainty and especially if we struggle with our self belief! But more and more I’m recognising that we are here in this life to bring our own unique way of thinking to the world and this includes how we raise our sons and daughters. We as parents have to learn to be more accepting of how others choose to parent regardless to how similar or different it looks to our own parenting style, though obviously this doesn’t include parenting styles that use physical or verbal abuse of any kind, we should never turn a blind eye to that! I know I can be opinionated on certain parenting styles that are different to my own and I think a lot of parents are guilty of doing this but I feel it comes from insecurity and by passing judgement on others maybe this makes us feel more confident in our own choices. But it shouldn’t take putting others down in order to feel better about our own decisions.

For my partner and I, our parenting is a little less by the books (or at least that’s how it often feels) and instead more instinct lead and this can often feel like we’re rolling the dice! But it’s not rolling the dice, its following our instincts and because we aren’t taught about our intuition or how to harness its power, it’s easy to doubt it and therefor feel as though we are rolling the dice.

If there is something to be taken away from todays post, it would be this: Its okay to ask questions and to challenge long standing ways of thinking even if that logic and information comes from people who we are supposed to trust in society. They’re just questions and it shows that we care and if your concern gets shut down or you’re made to feel belittled because you asked it, then that’s a reflection on their ignorance and not your inquisitiveness for wanting a better understanding.

It is also okay to give voice to your intuition and have a little more faith in yourself as a parent! Even if that inner voice is guiding you away from what is considered “the norm” this might include things like formal education, traditional disciplinary methods or healthcare that though packaged as “safe for children” might leave you feeling otherwise. Something I heard today was if you’re aren’t sure whether your intuitive feelings are guiding you in the right direction, then to just sit with it for a while, it will either pass or stay with you and then you’ll get a better sense if what you’re feeling is just a passing thought or intuitive guidance.

I hope that if you read today’s post that its received with the love and care that it was written with.
Sending you love and light,

Daniella x

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