The Family Healing Journey

Happy Monday lovelies and yesterday we finished yet another month of 2021! I’m sat here thinking to myself where did this month go?! October did not go how i’d imagined it would, as I had hoped it would be filled with autumnal walks and day trips to all the spots I wanted to see during this amazing time of year. But instead i’ve spent the majority of it unwell and yes, with the dreaded virus which obviously sucks but everyone has to go through this at some point.

Looking at these photos taken from last month, they fill my heart with so much joy! Being outdoors in nature with my family, creating memories is something I will always endeavour to do as much as I can in this lifetime. It took many years, decades even to get to this part in our lives where going out on a family trip is something that can be enjoyed with peace, calm and happiness. I say this because once upon a time Family trips were mostly filled with dread, a lot of walking on eggshells because unknowingly to us, we were on the receiving end of years of emotional abuse. Once we came out of that situation, we went through a long period of another kind of hell, my mum becoming really quite unwell but when we came through that we’ve never looked back, unless it is too see how far we have come.

That said, when one has had years of living life walking through what felt like an emotional minefield at times, constantly in either one of fight, flight, fawn or freeze mode, it can be a long time of healing before one begins to stop feeling like an imposter in someone else’s happy family life and starts to truly except and believe that they are worthy of actually living this happier and healthier lifestyle with their loved ones. I just wanted to let anyone know who maybe looking at this post thinking we are a perfect, happy family, to remember there is no such thing. That said, we are thankfully a family full of love and have a lot of wonderful times together but please know we had to fall apart, go through times that could have easily broken us to then finally find our way back together.

I feel that when you go through an abusive situation of any kind as a family, the healing aspect can take years of undoing the old wiring and replacing it with a new system, one that is healthier mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Not only does this take years but when you’re going through that as a family, we have to except that each individual of the family unit will process the experience in their own way in their own time and how you felt during your experience, might be different to how they felt during theirs. Even though you went through is as a family, one must keep in mind that we are still individuals with our own unique traits and have our own ways of dealing with difficult emotions and we have to try and practice patience when it comes to ourselves and our family members and for a lot it we need to stay focused on our own healing path. But that isn’t to say we can’t be supportive of one another just as long as we don’t try to control the healing of journey of others.

I think it is also important to say that even though me and my family have gone through some tough times emotionally and physically and though the healing process is still an ongoing one, a working progress I guess I could say, we have undoubtedly been fortunate that we have been physically very close (we practically live together) and for the most part we have all individually recognised that we needed to start healing and most importantly there was a will to begin untangling the uncomfortable web that forms after decades of emotional abuse! Yes, our indivIdual progress may be in different places to one another and yes, we may have, as individuals, approached the healing with different methods but ultimately that willingness to hopefully change the next generation’s future and fill it healthy forms of love and wellbeing is how we have been able to move forward as a unit.

The hard news is that as I said previously we have been fortunate in that united willingness and not all families live close by to one another and often not all members of the family have that willingness and/or are ready to accept that healing needs to happen. I can only sympathise when someone is facing that, as I can only imagine how mentally challenging that must be, when you want and long for healing for you and your earth family. All I would suggest is like I have already previously mentioned, to stay focused on you and your journey to healing and be the example of change you would hope to see from others and with the acceptance that it’s going to hopefully create a better life for you.

Sending you nothing but love and light this beautiful autumnal Monday and may your November be a wonderful one.
Daniella x

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