Happy Monday beautiful souls! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. It was a quiet weekend for us, it was raining all weekend plus we were all unwell with colds and so we just spent our time being together at home which even though it meant we had to cancel our original plans, the quality time together was really nice. I am hoping that come next weekend, everyone we be feeling better, the weather will be a little less wet and we can make a start on a long list of autumn activities I am looking forward to this year. I don’t know about you but as much as I love making plans because it’s nice to have things to look forward to outside of day to day living but I also kind of fear making plans too, you know that saying ” god laughs when you make plans” or something along those lines, well I have always felt a little fearful that when I make plans, something unforeseen will come and bulldoze its way through! It kinda feels good writing this down, it’s helping me see that this probably goes back to a time where there has been long periods of unexpected upheaval in my life that has left some scars of unresolved trauma.
I also feel like this stems from living with M.E most of my life and making plans was always hard for me because I never knew how I was going to wake up feeling on the day and because I have always really really hated lettings others down, I never liked the idea on having to cancel plans with someone and so I guess I avoided making plans to avoid the potential guilt of letting someone down. Wow, this just got deep but it’s kinda therapeutic and I guess I like to think that someone out there may just read and relate to this.
Though these are issues I am definitely working through from a healing aspect and I am trying to learn to trust that I am worthy of having good experiences in my life and that I don’t have to always fear making plans and learning to trust that it’s not always going to go wrong. At the same time I love that it has taught me to be spontaneous, go with the flow and be open to opportunities presenting themselves to me in the present moment. Some of my best experiences come from times where I have not thought too long and hard about it and just gone with the energy of that day. Sometimes the more we plan, the bigger expectation we have because we have pictured how it’s going to be over and over in our head and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, just what we often do when we are excited about the plans we have.
I guess like everything it’s about balance, for example, it’s great to be spontaneous, it can lead you to exciting situations and memorable moments that have a bigger impact then moments that may have been planned out! And it’s also safe to make plans and have experiences to look forward to, whilst having an awareness that sometimes for some reason or another, those plans may fall through but that’s okay and it’s okay to feel annoyed or sad that it didn’t work out but we also must accept that this happens and we can always re-arrange for the most part. I mention this today because today’s photos come from a semi spontaneous trip to our towns park one late Pre-Fall evening and it was a lovely moment in time and I just remember thinking how good it is to just go for it sometimes and let it’s mystery all unfold beautifully in front of your eyes.
Wishing you a lovely week.
Sending you love and light,