Life Lessons: To Be In Control Without Being Controlling





You ever heard that saying “You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”? My father always said that and it always stuck with me. There’s a difference between being in control and being controlling. To be in control is by my belief to be aware of who I am, my strengths and my weaknesses. To be open to looking at myself from time to time to with love, compassion and understanding and that though I’m not my mistakes that doesn’t mean I can’t except responsibility for them and do my best to improve and take accountability for my everday actions and choices.


For example; If I want to be healthier, then it’s up to me to make better choices in how I treat my body and what I put into my body. If I’m bored and crave more fun, then that’s my responsibility to find new creative things that inspire and stimulate my imagination. It is not the responsibility of someone else to give me what I feel I’m lacking, if they want to be a part of it with me then that’s a bonus that I’m grateful for. If I put the responsibility onto someone else then I’m quite possibly and unfairly so, setting them up for failure.

I often hear myself saying “ you can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” in my head and something I have battled with over the years is learning to except that just because I belive I have the answer/solution to a problem doesn’t mean I can enforce the person to take it. When I see a friend or a loved one struggling in whatever it is that they’re struggling with and I can see where the issue lies and how I believe it can solved. I then convey my advice in what I believe would be a positive solution, they nod along and agree but then instead of following that, they simply just do nothing and keep on living the same way, coming up against the same problem over and over again and then looking all confused to why that is, well, it can be incredibly frustrating. I know it’s left me feeling like my head will explode.


But sometimes advice is all you can give, you can’t force them to help themselves, some people have to get their on their own in their own time. You can’t control their happiness or take on that responsibility, it’s unfair to you and it stops them from taking control of their own life. I know it’s hard watching and hearing the same problems repeat themselves but do your best to stay centered, give your advice and know when to distance yourself from the situation emotionally and just simply nod along. If you constantly remind yourself that you can only take control over your thoughts and actions but not someone else’s then you will cope better in not getting bogged down by other people’s drama. Let’s face it most of us have enough of our own shit to contend with anyway!


Remember if you’re not happy with a relationship be it romantic or otherwise you still need to speak openly about whats upsetting you and be open to hearing their side and work on coming to a solution. But also bare in mind that most of us can only understand from our level of perception and you can’t control the outcome. So just try to be excepting of that even though that’s easier said then done. Trust me, I know, in the past and maybe even now I may have a tendency to want to go on and on until someone excepts what I’m saying and understands it fully from my side but I know within me that’s unreasonable and ego based and I continually try and to work on that.


For today’s look I teamed my pink velvet blazer with a printed dress and styled socks with sandals. I live for looks like this during this transitional period of dressing. Where you can still do bare legs and blazer is all the outerwear one needs.

I hope you enjoyed today’s post.

Sending you love, light and healing,

Daniella x









(old) Topshop Pink Velvet Blazer

(old) Topshop Printed Dress

(old) Stella McCartney Shoes


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