I really feel that such a strong part of my personal journey here on earth is truly and whole heartedly find myself and feel confident enough to express who I am without fear of judgment, maybe you can relate to this too? The other day my boyfriend and I were talking and I was explaining how for years as part of a friend group we share, I’ve never felt like I can be myself around them. Like, I find myself giving about 20% of who I really am to them. I guess it’s because I sense that there’s a sensitivity amongst a lot of them, which don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely sensitive too but I’m also mostly just wanting to have fun and I guess the humour is just different. But for ages I was really self conscious about what I said and the way it was sometimes received. This would just make me introvert even more.
It’s hard feeling like you’ve got hide who you are, the beliefs you have and the things you find funny just in case they take offence to it or don’t understand or worse, pass judgment on it. We don’t hang out very often and so maybe I should just grit my teeth and bare it but at the same time I don’t want to have to keep dulling my light in order to keep everyone else’s ego intact. I just want to live my life as truthfully as I can to myself and to those around me and not feel insecure about doing so. Man, socialising can be stressful at times.
Socialising may be super easy for some if not for most but for me it’s always been tricky, even if it may not come across that way. For me I’m still trying to figure out a few things, like knowing how to be myself without shoving it down peoples throat. Listening well and being present whilst also having the self belief that my voice is important enough to be heard too. I’m probably overthinking it all and though I should probably have this nailed at twenty eight years old, i’m not too egotistical to admit that i’m sill learning.
Let me know if anyone reading this can relate.
Love and light to you,
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