These last couple of weeks have been weirdly intense, i’m guessing it’s something to do with the zodiac because from what I’ve been reading, the general vibe is kinda intense. I, like a lot of people have my fair share of insecurity’s and though i’m a lot more confident with who I am now, there are often still be periods in my life where those insecurities show their ugly little heads. I try and have the strength to face them rather then push them aside, even though just pushing them to one side would be much easier.
I think by now, you should have hopefully learnt that I can be quite open with my feelings and things I have gone or am still going through, its kind of like therapy for me. Maybe I shouldn’t do it in a public way but I feel as though you never who may be reading this and it may reach someone who can relate and might just find comfort in that.
One of my long time insecurities actually has a lot do with my style, let me explain. You may have read in my past blog posts that I grew up with a Dad who was great and inspiring in so many ways but also had a lot of issues that sadly sometimes overpowered his great qualities. My Dad never made any secret of how a woman should dress, time and time again my mum, my sister and I would hear how short dresses/skirts and heels are what is sexy and attractive on a woman and how a woman should always dress to show off her figure. I don’t believe he meant this to have a negative effect on us, it’s just what he finds attractive in a woman and that’s okay. But the thing is as a parent and especially as a Father to two daughters, he could have made it a little more clear that it was just his opinion on what’s attractive because growing up, it always came across like that’s what all men find sexy or attractive and ultimately that shouldn’t matter anyway because a females main objective shouldn’t be about appeasing men, it should be about being your own, true self.
Even though I didn’t know at the time of being around this kind of talk that it would later interfere with my self confidence, there’s no denying that it did. See, expressing my style through the outfits I put together is a huge part of who I am and whilst I have no particular set style, there are recurring themes such as comfort, oversized fits and androgyny. These styles have always felt like a part of me and even though the confident side of me always wins and hence why I ultimately follow through with wearing what I want, I can’t help but have that irritating feeling in the back of my head that I can’t possibly be looking attractive wearing baggy clothes. Then I try and remind myself that my style isn’t about looking “sexy” it’s about self expression, wearing exactly what I want unapologeticly but I guess there’s always going to be a part of me that hopes to look attractive too.
Up until a couple of day’s ago I had no idea why I felt so conflicted sometimes and it was only by verbalising out loud to someone that my dad had always expressed what “attractive” style was and his idea was very far removed from what I liked to wear and so it soon became clear why I so often felt insecure about myself in the outfit’s I wore.
This feels like a breakthrough and for me, its like I’ve figured the source of where this stemmed from and now I can start working on healing it and hopefully feeling truly confident in my skin and the outfits that I wear.
Wishing you all great weekend, yay to another long weekend!
PRIMARK RAMONES T-SHIRT & JEANS
(old) Adidas Sneakers